Monday 6 February 2017

A typical day in the life...

9am: Did I even get any sleep last night?
          Am I even awake yet?
          Oh no, didn’t want to read that on Facebook. Ouch.
          Why is everyone flaunting their happy lives in front of me?
          Oh god, it hurts to move
          Come on, you need to move
          No wait, remember that dream you had last night? What does that mean? Did that really happen?
          Oh god, what will today bring?

10am: Give yourself some credit, you're out of bed, time for breakfast

10:30am: I should get dressed
                  Maybe I'll have a cigarette first, somehow it doesn't make me feel better though
                  Brush your teeth, I know its hard, but you need to brush your teeth, you'll feel better

10:45am: OK, you're dressed, make-up?
                  No, make-up is too much work

10:50am: Actually, maybe if I put some make-up on I can go out
                  Yeah, I feel good, going to go to the shops and I treat myself to something nice

11am: Staring in the mirror, make-up surrounding me

11:10am: No, I can't go out

11:15am: Yes you can, you're feeling GOOD
                  Aww, that’s a cute video
                  Haha, funny memes
                  Wait, no, why did I watch that? Why is that not my life?
                  Why am I alone?

12pm: I've not moved for 45 minutes now, everything hurts
            I'm sleepy, might nap
            No its too early to nap, I'll do some chores
            Ugh
            Ugh

1pm: OK cool, got some shit done
          Not much, but it's something
          I feel a little better now

1:15pm: Actually I feel GREAT
                I'm going to turn my life around!
                I am a QUEEN
                YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND YOU DON'T NEED NO MAN

1:16pm: I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life

1:20pm: I am so sad
                Should I self harm?
                No I shouldn't self harm
                But it will make me feel better
                But it will make me feel worse

1:30pm: I've paced the house for 10 minutes talking myself out of this                                                                                       Should I message someone?
                Nah, they won't be able to help me
                Where's a cat?

2pm: It's cool, I'm safe
          Blanket
          Cat
          Netflix
          I. Can. Do. This

2:10pm: Ah, mums home. Company.
                Lunch time, why do I live for food lol?
                Should I have some pudding?
                No, I'm watching my weight
                Hahahah where's the cake

3pm: So sleepy
          Just going to close… my eyes……..

5:30pm: Nap hangovers are the worst
                But awesome nap
                You deserved that

6pm: Big Bang Theory re-runs…

6:40pm: I feel so low

6:50pm: WHY IS THE TV VOLUME SO LOUD
                TURN THE FUCKING VOLUME DOWN

6:52pm: NO CAT LEAVE ME ALONE
                I AM NOT IN THE MOOD
                I'm going to punch someone right now I'm sure of it

7pm: Am I hungry?
          Nah

7:30pm: Bath time.
                Ah, finally time to relax.
                Lol nope
                Who am I? Where am I? Why am I?
                Sad

9pm: This is nice
          Good TV is good
          Aww look at the cute animal!
          I feel good, I am loved, I am safe, I am warm
          I love you kitty
          Give me a cuddle kitty

11:30pm: Approximately 6 mood swings in the past 2 hours
                  Exhausted
                  Night meds

11:35pm: Come on, wash your face
                  Brush your teeth
                  Look after yourself
                  It's easy
                  No its not

11:50pm: Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling
                  Family guy
                  Bed is comfy
                  Bed is safe
                  Scrolling
                  Hehe cute doggy
                  My eyes are burning
                  Thank goodness for Quetiapine


12:21am: ………..

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